Laura Norder – harsh reality of a mistress scorned

September 19, 2010

As disgraced ACT MP David Garrett now knows, Laura Norder is a harsh mistress.

It’s all fun and roses during the intoxicating early days of an affair, but the glow disappears and the relationship sours if Ms Norder’s increasing demands for trinkets, expensive clothes, a holiday overseas and a new divan for the love nest are not met.

Laura Norder: Enticing mistress, but no happy ending

Laura Norder cannot abide hypocrisy. She jealously guards her own reputation and will react harshly towards any lover who thinks he or she can sully the good name “Laura Norder”.

The vicarious pleasures of Ms Norder’s company can often blind the less discerning politician. She promises unbridled passion and the heady adoration of the mob. Her charms are ample, but explosive.

If scorned, as in this case she was by Mr Garrett’s unfaithful attention to another hidden lover, Laura will exact a violent revenge. Often her former paramour will be disgraced as their dirty little secrets are hurled from the balcony of Ms Norder’s penthouse into the street below. Dark and fetishistic episodes from her lover’s past will be laid bare before a hungry public, eager to  hear more titivating tittle-tattle from this alluring but deadly vixen.

On occasion, Ms Norder may not be satisfied by seeing her former beau squriming on the rusty hook of public opinion. His friends and allies must also be made to suffer.

Laura Norder knows that shonky, pheremone-driven tinpot Hitlers usually roam in packs, sniffing around every sordid little whorehouse where they might gain a little ego-stroking and the promise of earthly pleasures. Such politicians know that an illicit liason with the popular Ms Norder can boost their public standing.

They think they can control this uncontrollable force of nature. But they cannot. Once in her populist  thrall, politicians can come unglued; their natural caution and wary defences are down. All they can think about is the curves and the perfume; the dim lighting in that boudoir of dreams.

The fun stops when Laura Norder sends the bailiffs to collect on all those years of good service she’s provided.

When you get a massage from Laura Norder, there is no happy ending.


Michael Laws’ manifesto: hang’em high and let me “ogle”

August 15, 2010

As a former merchant of the mendacious, one knows that if one is to lie in public, the lie must always be maintained in private. There it does its most useful work – convincing friends and allies to spread the falsehood as truth.

[Michael Laws, Sunday Star Times, 8 August 2008]

The mouth of Whanganui is madly scrambling to retain any credibility in the aftermath of revelations he’s been having some kind of relationship with an Auckland woman who used to be a prostitute and a P addict.

I can’t help but be mildly nauseated by Laws’ fake contrition and hypocrisy. As the story oozed out this weekend Laws was clearly on the backfoot, but I don’t think we can believe a word he says.

Last night Laws, a Star-Times columnist and RadioLive talkback host, confirmed he was aware of Sperling’s house arrest and that she was wearing an electronically monitored anklet during their encounters.

Despite his strong views on law and order, Laws was not fazed by the anklet.

“Why would I be? Here was somebody who had plunged to the depths of a P addiction and enormous depravation, who had got absolutely on the wrong side of the law,” he said.

“I’m very supportive of the idea of people making amends for things they have done wrong in their lives.”

[Laws, lover together again to mend friendship]

Really Michael?  Do you really believe in second chances for P-addicts and women who can’t look after their kids adequately? Are you sure?

Then whey over the last few years have you continuously written rubbish like this in your weekly column?

Cue mad mothers of the week: Mary Joachim and Rachael Brown. That they ever bred is two of life’s tragedies. The former failed to prevent the murder of her seven-year-old son, Duwayne Pailegutu, and the latter is an alcoholic and recidivist drink-driver.

Rachael Brown is the notorious soak who turned up at her sentencing last week in the Rotorua District Court drunk.

She also has made outstanding choices in her relationships.

It’s time for some straight talking around child abuse in this country and the link with ethnicity rather than poverty. And the link with blasted parents who consume themselves with drinks, drugs and the wrong partners.

[ A champion of common sense, 17 May 2009]

And there’s another angle on this particular column in which Laws defends footballers who sexually assault young women, which is a theme he repeated more recently in the case of dsigraced rugby ambassador Andy Haden:

There can be no doubt in my mind that the complainant “Clare” anonymous, voice disguised, pixilated has embarked upon a course of cool revenge.

But spare me the historic bleats of a young woman who, according to work colleagues, bragged of the encounter and then discovered remorse. That the media then fed on Johns’ commercial corpse proof that they eat their own. But also that PC is alive and well.

The target of this column–as it often is with Laws–is the shibboleth of “political correctness”. The only people who actually believe in this myth and talk about it are right-wing asshole columnists like Laws. It’s a convenient myth to disguise their racism, sexism and homophobia.

It is the dog whistle used to mobilise their supporters who fear the deluge of single-mums, crack-hos and other unsavoury types conjoured up from the febrile imaginings of Laws and his mates.

South Auckland is the badlands of New Zealand. It is a place that has been created by both neglect and liberal handwringing good parts of it hostage to gangs, drugs and nihilism. It is not a place that you choose to live. It is a place that you end up.

[Is the thin blue line yellow? 14 June, 2008]

And this in a column attacking the cops (see Thin blue line below) which just goes to show Laws’ total inconsistency.

This inconsistency is clear from Laws’ other obsession – Laura Norder. No wonder his new Auckland lover was a bit jealous and threatened to smash his watch.

Sunday News was provided with a copy of Facebook conversations between the pair from August 6-10.

It included a message from Sperling on August 10 saying: “An iphone for all my `hard work’ would have been lovely … but I am not a whore”.

She taunted Laws she would destroy a watch he left at her Auckland home.

“Oops, my hammer just landed on your watch. LEAVE ME ALONE YOU… SLEAZE,” she wrote.

[Laws' girl tells of fling with cop]

Laws is besotted with Laura Norder and he has succumbed to her charms without the least resistance.

He is now so feeble that he does her bidding. Michael Laws is Laura’s bitch:

Evil has found us. Be they created by negligent or narcissist parenting, by drink or methamphetamine, by avarice or the anti-social malaise, we are now a country fearful of the dark. And fearful of people and places that we don’t know.

We are in the most violent times since the Maori Wars. It is a fact that most of us resist rather than find unpalatable. We cling to the superstition that New Zealand is the best and safest place on earth.

The police know differently. They deal with our scum, our detritus, our drifters, the desperate and dangerous, every day.

[Thin blue line 17 July 2010]

This is a classic in the Laws genre: it manages to combine his pet themes:

  • fear of criminals and drug addicts
  • anti-Maori racism of the most virulent sort
  • political correctness is destroying our society

In this case, the rot of PC has even infected police headquarters:

Now even our police commissioner, the broad Howard, is conceding that the Police Association may just be right. Although he is still trapped within his headquarters’ political correctness.

What? This is just a sprinkling of magic dust from Michael here. The incantation of the PC spell is enough to make it so. Laws is a warrior for Laura. He never lets an opportunity to champion her cause pass his grasping hands.

He is so intoxicated by her attentions that he is willing to die for her; or at least to advocate that others die in her honour:

BURN IN hell, Antonie Dixon. And, how on earth can we convince the Curtis brothers to similarly depart this mortal existence?

I had opined the previous day that the only appropriate sentence for Michael and Wiremu Curtis was a death sentence. Anything less would be less than justice.

New Zealand’s justice system is a joke. A charade created by lawyers not one of whom is publicly electable or accountable. It is a corrupt system, stifled by the arcane and the archaic, that glories in its unique perversion.

The law does not recognise evil. Instead it trades in the obscenity that is precedent sentencing.

But the wider nonsense is that the death penalty was not available as appropriate retribution.

[So this is justice? 3 March, 2009]

I won’t make much of it here, but there’s also a strain of virulence in Laws’ support for Israel too. He seems to find a groove and stick to it. Laura Norder, bad Maori, trollopy women and nasty Arabs.

The truth is that Islamic fundamentalism exists in this country. It has arrived with the migrants and refugees and it is as evil and myopic here as it was over there.

So a word to Mustafa Tekinkaya: if you don’t like the idea that your prejudice cannot be allowed to flourish in New Zealand, then do us all a favour. Leave. And take your racist mates with you.

[No place for old hatreds, 17 January, 2009]

There’s no end to his bigotry and plenty of room in New Zealand, it seems, for his hatreds, old and new. Laws is a crusader, we should not pretend he’s just a harmless nutter. I have read about 30 of his columns this morning and the themes, prejudices and ideological positions are consistently focused on good versus evil:

For the past year I have repeatedly asked the question whether those guilty of Nia’s torment are really members of the human race. Or simply evil strained into inadequate vessels.

[The liberal shame, 22 November, 2008]

His populism is centred around issues such as Maori gangs and child abuse, but he puts a very significant racial edge on these issues. He’s also running a very strong political message, particularly around crime and his hobby horse – reintroducing the death penallty:

First, let’s reintroduce the death penalty for child murder and life sentences for child abusers. Not as a deterrent, but as the appropriate punishment for these people.

Second, let’s admit that child abuse cannot be resolved by letting Maori find Maori solutions. Any more than Pakeha can solely be relied on to deal with white-collar crime.

Third, let’s admit that most of the underclass cannot be trusted with children. Ever. They may have the ability to procreate, but possess no sensibility to accept the responsibility. They are the underclass for a reason

Fourth, make it a criminal offence for persons who notice and witness child abuse to then turn the other way.

Fifth, if you’re a gang member, a gang associate, a recidivist criminal (generally the same thing) or an addict, you automatically lose your child. There are no good gang members – they are all reprobates, white or brown.

Sixth, stop buying the liberal excuses. Every blame-shifter, every apologist, every politically correct naysayer is, in reality, part of the problem

And last, but definitely not least – excise these modern shibboleths of political correctness and cultural sensitivity.

[The liberal shame, 22 November, 2008]

There you have it, the Laws’ manifesto: the seven answers to New Zealand’s problems. A proposal of eternal fealty to darling Laura Norder.

Is this what the good folk of Whanganui voted for when he was elected mayor? And Dog help New Zealand if this rabid zealot ever stands for office higher than he already holds.

The only “honest-Mike” opinion from this sad parade of venom and cliche is this piece from March 2009:

READERS WILL appreciate that I’m not a particularly “deep” person. I am my gender, and despite the occasional philosopher or mystic, we males are a superficial lot. Which explains the eternal attraction of the bimbo with boobs.

[Organ strife dead wrong]

Was it this “eternal attraction” Michael that got you into this most recent bout of “organ strife”? No doubt, because you are very fond of this particular trope:

We also don’t get the highbrow dismissal of Boobs on Bikes an absolutely harmless display of fantasy and fantastic proportions. Men like to look it is our instinctive nature.

…spare us the rapt divinity of NZ Fashion Week: the excited twitter of kids, barely out of journalism school, trying to preach profound. It was entertainment and as divorced from the average wardrobe as Chelsea Charms is from your wife.We would never be seen dead with either: the clothes or the porn actress.

Jeans, a tight T-shirt and a sportive embrace from your lover. Does it get any better?

[27 September, 2009]

Maybe not Michael, maybe not. It seems though, that you are obsessed with “ogling” “boobs” as you so quaintly call breasts and you are positively obsessed with Auckland’s annual sleazefest, Boobs on Bikes. Is this your one chance to live out some repressed fantasy?

It is sleazy, noisy and attracts every adolescent oink within 50km. But, gee, it’s fun. Heterosexual men love it because it allows a man to do what a man does best – to ogle the unobtainable.

In the main, they’re not particularly beautiful women. Not the classic beauties who grace catwalks or the front covers of Vogue. But they are dirty – and dirty trollops titillate men precisely because they are everything that our spouse, partner or girlfriend is not.

I have not been in any relationship with any woman – sexual, social or standard – that did not involve me abasing myself simply because I was male.

[15 August, 2008]

This sexually-charged and submissive self-delusion  is another recurring theme in Laws’ columns. Maybe the Sunday Star Times should retire him, he’s getting boring.

ALL MEN have fantasies. I’d like to write “all men and women”, but I’m being PC this week. I am excluding any satire/humour/mocking of any group that is not white, middle-aged, male and middle-class.

We also like bad girls. I suspect this is because we dated a whole lot of good girls who rejected us. Men like me like directness. Is there any point to my taking you out for dinner, or not? Not? Then I’ll spend the money on some mag wheels and a magazine.

[Every weak man, 11 October, 2009]

And this in a column about his partner of the time and the mother of his children. Uggh, Michael, too much information…until today at least. We now have a whole lot more information.

Yep, this is the Mayor of Whanganui. I am not going to psychoanalyse this psycho, but others have tried:

The official website of the mayor of Wanganui is a fascinating monument to a man who simply cannot get enough of himself. It is a site absolutely awash in self-love.

[Narcissm least of Michael Laws' sins, Dom Post 7 Septmber, 2009]


Judith Collins – poor, poor pitiful me. Good news! There is no news

July 30, 2010

The National’s police minister is crying foul about negative coverage of the cops in the New Zealand media. I’m sorry Judith, but this is pathetic on your part.

The cops have also stopped giving information about routine crime to the Gisborne Herald. Ostensibly so that the city’s reputation doesn’t suffer from over-reporting of minor crime.

What an interesting juxtaposition.

I was on The Wire today talking about this.

Hirst_the_wire_30_July_police_media

Gisborne Herald editor Jeremy Muir said that the police ban on supplying information to the paper was like something “straight out of a Communist handbook”. I’m not sure which handbook Mr Muir is referring to, but I’ve checked my extensive library of such materials and I can’t find a reference that supports this claim.

But, Muir is right that the effect of the policy change will further entrench the news media’s role as a “propaganda mouthpiece” for the cops.

I say ‘further entrench’ because the news media is effectively such a mouthpiece already. That’s why Judith Collins’ comments are so ill-considered and actually counter-productive for the National-ACT government which relies on the news media to promote its love affair with Laura Norder.

Conservative politicians (including those in the Labour Party) benefit from a climate of fear in the community. If public perceptions that crime is out of control are allowed to fester and an ill-founded fear of crime is established as a ‘common sense’ idea then it is easier for politicians and the cops to argue for more stuff - guns, tazers prisons, staff and increased powers of search, arrest and surveillance – even when the actual crime figures don’t support such arguments.

I have long argued that the news media’s obsession with crime reporting is unhealthy; but do you remember just a few months ago when high-ranking cops were clamouring for more “name and shame” coverage of drunk-drivers and other petty criminals in the news?

This is the “symbiotic” relationship that editors like Jeremy Muir and others say is what they want.Often there is benefit to both sides – an interest is served in each case. The news media fills the newshole and remains profitable – crime is cheap to cover; and the police get their sympathetic hearing and promote their efforts to ‘make society safer’.

But the confused and confusing justifications put forward in this debate do little to shed light on the issue; rather they just generate more wasted heat. Take this line from Muir’s Gisbone Herald editorial on the topic:

In the debate over media coverage of crime and the effect it has on perceptions of crime, it is important to differentiate between media.

Many studies do not separate violent television drama or crime shows, which have been found to have a greater influence on fear of crime than news coverage.

It is also important to have this debate.

Gisborne police have issued a decree that they will no longer report a lot of the crime going on in our communities.

But proper analysis, informed by the significant body of research on this topic, would lead to better reporting policies that would benefit everyone.

The debate itself will also leave people with a better appreciation of what influences their personal safety concerns, and whether those might be overblown.

The relationship between fear of crime and mass media is difficult to pin down — do people fear crime because they see a lot of it on television, or does television provide lots of footage about crimes because people fear crime and want to see what’s going on?

A point made in much of the research is that the heavy media coverage of violent crime skews perceptions of the risks associated with crime — which seems to argue for more reporting of minor crimes.

Another is that it is in the public interest to report crime in context.

For example, regular reporting of burglaries could be accompanied by a monthly analysis of burglary trends in different areas, perhaps compared to trends elsewhere, along with information about the police success rate in solving property crimes and tips on how to avoid becoming a victim.

While it is useful for police to communicate effectively with media, reporters must have a good knowledge of media law and crime-reporting guidelines. They should also examine the complex nature of offending, as well as crime prevention and justice.

Considering all the research on this, it is nonsensical for police to drive media policy based on gut feelings and a flimsy survey.

What does Mr Muir actually want?

He asks an important question:

Do people fear crime because they see a lot of it on television, or does television provide a lot of footage about crimes because people fear crime and want to see what’s going on?

But, he does not provide an answer. Perhaps it’s not surprising though: this is a conundrum, wrapped in a paradox and stuffed up the arse of an Enigma.

The relationship between the reporting of crime, perceptions of crime and police ‘efforts’ to ‘do away’ with criminal behaviour is complex and the motivations of both sides are not so easy to tease out. Have you ever stuck your head or your hand up the arse of an Enigma? It will take more than a forensic colonoscopy to sort out this issue.

There is no doubt that media coverage of crime and the dramatisation of what I call ‘forensic pornography’ on shows such as CSI:SVU and so on does play on people’s minds and does add to the sum of irrational fear. But this is a broader cultural and psychogical issue.

the real issue is media generation of “moral panics“:

The media act as agents and conductors of moral indignation – they create media ‘fantasies’ or a criminal ‘hyper-reality’ of produced and consumed images (Baudrillard). They create ‘social censure’.

They investigate, muck rake then point the finger via gross cases that challenge the publics tolerance – scapegoating The effect is to create disquiet, worry, fear and anxiety – then a desire for security, for order to be returned. This is their constructed reality. So is the corollary of a mythical law abiding and orderly past – to return to and envy.

Amplification raises the tension demanding release by authoritarian measures, law and order, swift justice and harsh punishment
A public end up calling for their own repression, they desire and demand ‘get tough’ action created by panics
The media can quickly move on to other vulnerable targets.
[MediaMonkey - Scrib'd]

No doubt media executives in both news and drama would argue that by covering crime and making forensic porn they are merely catering to a public need. That is production is driven by audience demand for this stuff.

And normally we might think that the cops welcome coverage because (as noted above) by coating their message in Laura Norder’s heady musk they arouse public sentiment and therefore support for what they do.

So why then would Judith Collins tazer her own arguments with her comments this week that the news media actually damages the reputation of police through negative coverage?

“I think it’s very important to acknowledge that over the last decade or so there have been numerous attacks (in the media) on the police. There have been the reports into police conduct, all those sorts of things, none of which have actually encouraged people to increase their respect for the police.”

[Collins: Media to blame for fall in police respect, NZ Herald]

Numerous attacks on the police by the media. Isn’t that actually a good thing? If we look at what the minister is talking about, we could argue quite convincingly that by attacking police misconduct, the news media is acting in the public interest.

Then again, is the minister firing a shot across the bows here? There are several important public debates at the moment about greater police powers; the routine arming of police officers; the role of police in dangerous pursuits at high speed; the controversial introduction of tazers into the New Zealand police service.

Perhaps Collins is sending a sinister warning: if the news media persists in critical analysis and reporting of these issues, there access to the ‘bread and butter’ of petty crime information will be withheld.

That is a dangerous thought.


Three strikes = bad policy: mortgaging the future for a root

January 20, 2010

Let’s face it, the Government’s “three strikes” legislation is bad policy, but good politics.

It might also get two little Hitlers a rub’n’tug from Laura Norder.

Getting tough on crime is pure populism. Criminologists are united in arguing that it doesn’t work for a bunch of reasons, but that doesn’t deter the little Hitlers.

Read the rest of this entry »


South Auckland says “Thanks English rugby pricks”

June 22, 2008

Whanau across Auckland’s southern suburbs are breathing a collective sigh of relief this Sunday as they return from church – via the bottle shop of course.

Their bad drinking habits have been pushed off the front pages today by the bad drinking and rutting habits of English rugby players.

The good burghers of Counties Manakau can thank the rugby pricks, or at least the rampant penises of a handful of English internationals, who – as we alll now know – were cavorting around the penthouse suites and corridors of the posh Hilton hotel last weekend.

The antics of the English dicks have kept us entertained – at least off the rugby pitch – as we guess which ones were playing hide the sausage with a bevy of pretty Auckland comfort girls.

We found out pretty quickly that one young woman – the appropriately-monikered “Angel” – had enjoyed at least the first part of her dalliance with an English prick. That is until a bunch of other English pricks – no doubt still nursing a whopping binge-blast – came into the room and proceeded to pull the sheets off the bed she was resting in.

Much to the delight of the beleagured residents of Otahuhu and Manuwera, who just wanted to enjoy a quiet bevvy without being bothered by thirsty journos, the Sunday papers have been hot on the tail of Angel and her friends all week.

Read the rest of this entry »


This year, vote 1 Laura Norder

June 20, 2008

Anyone reading this on Mars might not know that it’s election season in New Zealand. According to some recent surveys here, there’s a fair bunch of Kiwis who don’t know either.

I’m not sure, myself, how you could miss it. The stink of hypocrisy is now stronger than the pong from Roto Vegas’ famed sulphur pools. There’s blood in the water too.

The political sharks are circling; any hint of weakness and they’ll surge in to bite you on the ass, or worse.

Perhaps like the feet washing up on the west coast of Canada, body parts will be floating in the Hauraki Gulf and Cook Strait before too long.

That’s why I’m voting for Laura Norder.

Read the rest of this entry »


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