By George – I don’t believe you

Seems that George Clooney’s girlfriend is totally wild.

Well, at least according to her very eloquent ex-boyfriend who speaks in totally weird syntax and very structured language, not like a real person. Seriously, check these quotes allegedly given by “Tommy” to the News of the World newspaper:

Tommy recalled: “She made up special love potions and rubbed them into every part of my body. I was powerless to resist. I know George will be no different. He’ll be totally entranced,” he told News of the World.

“Sarah’s a total hippy at heart, heavily into all the spiritual, mystic stuff – crystals, tarot cards, healing.

“And along with her witch-like charms she’s a brilliant fun girl with no inhibitions. She loves nothing more than getting naked in a forest.

“Some of our wildest nights were out in the woods romping in the grass and under canvas.”

Dude, lighten up. Tommy is supposed to be the ex-boyfriend of George Clooney’s squeeze, Sarah Larson. But really, who talks like this:

He said: “Some of my favourite memories are of walking into Sarah’s cramped bedroom and finding her naked, surrounded by candles.

“She’d tell me to lie on the bed as she mixed together all manner of oils and then slowly rub them all over me. It drove me wild.

“We had such wonderful times having sex all night covered in her slippery love concoctions.

“They were such a passion of Sarah’s that I just know she’ll be mixing them for George.”

Tommy says lucky George will benefit from the years of experience built up between him and Sarah, reported News of the World.

“Slippery love concoctions,” what shi*e. Seriously this seems like a totally slippery concoction to me, particularly since there’s nothing like it on the usual suspect gossip sites. Why then would the Brisbane Courier-Mail carry such a crappy and unconfirmed piece of tripe?

Yet, when I searched the C-M site for news of a major bloody coup at Brisbane City Council, in which five senior public servants were sacked in a politically-inspired bloodbath, there was not a mention.

Celebrity news, with pictures of “chick-magnet” George, is much more palatable to advertisers.

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