As disgraced ACT MP David Garrett now knows, Laura Norder is a harsh mistress.
It’s all fun and roses during the intoxicating early days of an affair, but the glow disappears and the relationship sours if Ms Norder’s increasing demands for trinkets, expensive clothes, a holiday overseas and a new divan for the love nest are not met.
Laura Norder cannot abide hypocrisy. She jealously guards her own reputation and will react harshly towards any lover who thinks he or she can sully the good name “Laura Norder”.
The vicarious pleasures of Ms Norder’s company can often blind the less discerning politician. She promises unbridled passion and the heady adoration of the mob. Her charms are ample, but explosive.
If scorned, as in this case she was by Mr Garrett’s unfaithful attention to another hidden lover, Laura will exact a violent revenge. Often her former paramour will be disgraced as their dirty little secrets are hurled from the balcony of Ms Norder’s penthouse into the street below. Dark and fetishistic episodes from her lover’s past will be laid bare before a hungry public, eager to hear more titivating tittle-tattle from this alluring but deadly vixen.
On occasion, Ms Norder may not be satisfied by seeing her former beau squriming on the rusty hook of public opinion. His friends and allies must also be made to suffer.
Laura Norder knows that shonky, pheremone-driven tinpot Hitlers usually roam in packs, sniffing around every sordid little whorehouse where they might gain a little ego-stroking and the promise of earthly pleasures. Such politicians know that an illicit liason with the popular Ms Norder can boost their public standing.
They think they can control this uncontrollable force of nature. But they cannot. Once in her populist thrall, politicians can come unglued; their natural caution and wary defences are down. All they can think about is the curves and the perfume; the dim lighting in that boudoir of dreams.
The fun stops when Laura Norder sends the bailiffs to collect on all those years of good service she’s provided.
When you get a massage from Laura Norder, there is no happy ending.