Whanau across Auckland’s southern suburbs are breathing a collective sigh of relief this Sunday as they return from church – via the bottle shop of course.
Their bad drinking habits have been pushed off the front pages today by the bad drinking and rutting habits of English rugby players.
The good burghers of Counties Manakau can thank the rugby pricks, or at least the rampant penises of a handful of English internationals, who – as we alll now know – were cavorting around the penthouse suites and corridors of the posh Hilton hotel last weekend.
The antics of the English dicks have kept us entertained – at least off the rugby pitch – as we guess which ones were playing hide the sausage with a bevy of pretty Auckland comfort girls.
We found out pretty quickly that one young woman – the appropriately-monikered “Angel” – had enjoyed at least the first part of her dalliance with an English prick. That is until a bunch of other English pricks – no doubt still nursing a whopping binge-blast – came into the room and proceeded to pull the sheets off the bed she was resting in.
Much to the delight of the beleagured residents of Otahuhu and Manuwera, who just wanted to enjoy a quiet bevvy without being bothered by thirsty journos, the Sunday papers have been hot on the tail of Angel and her friends all week.